Would You Really Like the ULTIMATE EDGE?

Tony Robbins is doing it again…

The WWE-sized life coach is at it again. This time he’s taking over CNBC at 1AM.

Waa Waa Waa, my life sucks and I can’t possibly get it back together.
I’m broke and in debt and I need money.
I wish I wasn’t a loser.
My life sucks.

Apparently Tony Robbins can fix all of your problems, and he’ll give you a free iPod Shuffle for letting him. Tony is going to change your life…and all you have to do is send him hundreds of dollars. No, really, hundreds of dollars.

Here’s what you get: Tons of DVDs and CDs, one phone call from an operator reading from a script telling you that you have chosen to improve your life, a monthly magazine (only 19.95 an issue).
But it’s not all take take take, they are giving you a voucher for $100 off any of their Live events…wonder how much those costs…


Would you like to lose weight?
Turn off the damn television and put down the Little Debbie, it’s 1 in the morning and you’re watching infomercials. Go to bed and get some rest so you can wake up and jog in the morning.
BAM…instant success.

Would you like to get out of debt?
Don’t send all of your money to Tony Robbins! Instead, get a night job delivering pizzas and save so you can pay off your credit cards. Set a budget and stick to it. Turn on Dave Ramsey and take notes.

Want to quit smoking or drinking?
Put down the cigarette and don’t give me that business about “Oh it’s so hard, I need it!”
No. You do not. I’m in lacrosse season right now, and haven’t had a drink in two weeks. (those who know me can attest to how big this is)
It’s about commitment and actually wanting to do it…you haven’t quit because you don’t want to.

Would you like to know why you are unhappy? Because you don’t have any direction. Every day – no – every minute you are sitting around feeling sorry for yourself you could be doing something constructive. Get a hobby, go visit a VA Hospital, get a pet.
I’m not saying that everyone can help themselves, I understand that there are some issues that require professional help, but the “Personal Coaching” that Tony offers is little more than a under-qualified tool working part time reading from a script wearing a telephone headset.
If you need personal coaching my number is 615.525.1516 and I don’t charge anything…I’m single too, so if you would feel better getting your coaching over dinner, let me know… (that being said, I swear if you put me on a calling list, I will hunt you down)

I guess what I’m really getting at is the kind of people who feel like they need to resort to a man with a pituitary deformity to fix their lives are the kind of people who deserve to have all of their money taken by said man. You don’t need anything but a little will power to turn your life around…stop being lazy and just hustle.

I rate this infomercial at 12AM…don’t waste your time…turn the TV off and get some rest.


2 thoughts on “Would You Really Like the ULTIMATE EDGE?

  1. Come on now, Will, remember not all of us are one of the stars of a lacrosse team and some of us cant just turn the tv off at a flick of the switch (Intended). We need inspiration from others in order to get our lives on track again. We need the Tony (whatever his last name is) to give us that extra push we require. Clearly people that buy/listen to self help gobble are the people that do not have the required friends and family in their life to make it easier to loose weight/quite drinking/find love. Tony gives them that push. And if he makes a little extra cash in doing so, then more power to him.

    Ha ha- Oh by the way , you are crazy putting your mobile number up.

  2. People are pathetic. I’m certain you already know this, but you are entering one of the strongholds of the pathetic by blogging about infomercials. Enjoyable read, but why the heck have you stopped imbibing alcohol? You went to Syracuse with the “best” college lax players, and you must know that they got some of their skill by doing tons of drugs and getting wasted all the time! No wonder I haven’t been drunk dialed lately. Anywho, now that you’ve given me the idea of putting your number on a call list, I’m going to go look into that…

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